Before.

Giving you a second chance hoping you’ll change. Wanting to become friends, even after all that we’ve all been through. The constant “I miss him, I wish we didn’t loose contact”. Just everything, everything that happened between us. Although things ended badly between us, I’ve always wanted to get to know you on that friend level. To know and understand you from friend to friend. Unfortunately, we both moved on and went about our lives.

——————-

Knowing what I know now, fuck all that I’ve said before. Fuck those “I miss you”. Fuck, wanting to get to know you on a friend to friend base. Everything was a lie, at least from what you’ve proven to me. I don’t regret one thing at all. But all I have to say is, thank you! Thanks for hurting me so badly because if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be this strong of a girl. Now you can go ahead and put 100+ bucks in the douche bag jar. Bitchass niggguh!

Our family slowly started drifting away, acting like strangers under one roof. Talking behind each other’s back, mean glares at one another…it seems to have no end to it.

I miss the laughs we all used to share, the memories made together, everything a family usually does as one. It brings me to tears knowing that we’re all drifting apart, while our two loved ones are above watching and witnessing this all happen.

None of this was suppose to happen. We’re suppose to have each other’s back, especially the downfall of it all, but instead we choose to bump heads. 

It scares me knowing one day everybody will reach their breaking point, to where we can’t even put our differences aside for a family dinner or birthday party. 

Even though Christmas is something to celebrate with a big smile and a big heart with lots of laughter, we managed to changed it up a bit this year. A party of 80+ people made a speech talking about lost loved ones and how their lost, in some ways taught them to live and love life to the fullest, to not take people around them for granted. As a family, we learned together…that it’s okay to cry to let the pain out, but always remember to smile and laugh more than you cry. —- Reassurance of what a family is for and why they’re so important to one another

Honestly, I have the greatest family and I couldn’t have asked for a better one than this. If it wasn’t for each and every person to shape the person that I am today, who knows how life would be. I’m glad to say that I wouldn’t want to know either, even if I had to chance to find out. I love them all unconditionally. “Bloods thicker than water”