There were plenty of times when I had the urge to text you and lay everything on the line. Telling you how you made felt, from good to bad. Even wanting to cuss you sometimes for hurting me. But most of all I’ve always want to tell you how good of a person I am whether you saw that in me or not. Tell you that I could and will be the best girlfriend you’ll ever have if you gave me a chance that I’ll really love you with all I have. But I’ve always wanted to text you telling you thank you, thank you for hurting me thank you for maybe even caring just a little bit but most of all thank you for being a part of my life whether it was good or bad. Oh and I really wish I knew how you felt about me. For you to lay it all on the line. The real reason I’ve been holding on still is because in the back of my mind what if you did have feels for me and I just have up and I was the one who didn’t try hard enough. That’s my biggest guilt. That’s why I’m still holding on still trying to prove to you and so maybe you’ll finally see one day. But maybe that one day just might be too late. To the point where I can finally let you go, let everything go and move forward instead of going around in circles waiting for your response. But what I really want to know about myself is, even though you’re putting me through hell and I’ve given you the best I can why am I still lingering around with high hopes and the sad part is I know I deserve better but I’m not doing anything to make sure I get that better I deserve.
I could sit here and write a love story about you, but hell there isn’t even a love story to begin with. Call me crazy, but I think I’ve fallen for a guy who just isn’t ready for anything good there is to offer to him. I wouldn’t say I’m in love with you, but I sure am in like with you. I don’t know every little detail about you, but what I do know is that you’re genuinely a good person despite what other people say. You may come off as a fuck boy or whatever, but what they don’t know is you actually love and when you do, you love hard. And sometimes I wish it was with me. I may not mean anything more to you than just a friend, but some nights I wish that you’d just give me a chance. A chance to love you the way you’re ex never had the guts to, the chance to love you like you’ve never been loved before, to just really give me a chance even if you’re not ready. As crazy as it seems, I don’t want you to be ready for something like this because someone once told me love is a scary and unpredictable thing, so how can you prepare yourself for something unpredictable like love! I knew we couldn’t be anything more, I knew you wouldn’t give me a chance so I did the next best thing I could and remained as your friend. The only thing I could really do is always remind you that I’m here if you need anything, appreciate you in ways nobody has ever, and always willingly to lend a hand whenever needed. I’ve told myself multiples times to never give up on showing how much I care for you, but it’s come down to the point where I’ve done my share. There’s only so much I can do before I get tired of doing it. I would never give up on this, but when I stop giving you my full divided attention I’m simply just moving on. I can’t remain in the same spot forever, I know I’m the one who decided to stick around but I did it because for some reason I still have hope, even if that hope is smaller than a drop of water, it was hope in maybe, just maybe there can finally be an us. There’s times when I tell myself to let everything go, but in the back of my mind I’m still holding on, tighter than I was before. It’s crazy how you can have this affect on me and you don’t even know about one bit of it. Everytime I try to really move on, there’s always something that sucks me right back where I started. I may not be capable of fully letting you go, but one day I’ll put it all behind me. And that’s when I can finally be happy, whether it’s with or without you! You’ll be the biggest lesson learned Jordan!